• Talk to your children about how and why things are done in a particular way, so that they understand there is a good reason for your instructions, and you’re not just being picky. Children need to learn how jobs get done at home.

• Develop an understanding, in yourself and your children, of the logical, natural consequences of their behaviour and allow these to be the motivation for changing the undesired behaviour, rather than the fear of punishment. For example, saying “If you leave your toys outside and it rains, the toys will be ruined and you won’t have them to play with”, rather than “If you don’t bring your toys inside, I’ll be very angry with you”. Children need to learn that their actions have an effect.

• Don’t use bribes or rewards for all appropriate behaviour – you want your children to behave well out of an in-built awareness of what is acceptable, out of respect and love for you as a parent, and from a sense of working together in the family.

• Avoid nagging. Give a clear instruction once (or twice), then have the expectation that it will be followed. Older children generally know what they need to do and repeated commands make them less likely to feel like doing it.

• Encourage your children by making positive comments on their efforts and attempts, even if they don’t get the outcome they (or you) were wanting. Don’t judge too harshly. Remember their ages and levels of development.

• Children can be involved in discussing the setting of limits and boundaries. They are then more likely to stick to the limits happily. For example, how much and what shows they can watch on television.

• Organise a regular time each day when the family can be together and talk about their day. This allows everyone to feel that they belong to the family, it can clear up some issues before they become big problems, and lets people know what might be coming up which could affect them. It is also a great time to talk about family values and expectations.

• Be realistic about what you can do in a day and avoid rushing around unnecessarily, tiring yourself and the children. A tired parent is often a grumpy parent, and the same applies to your children!